60 questions to ask your grandparents about their life
The best questions are small and specific. Here are 60 of them, grouped by stage of life, plus how to record the answers so you keep their voice, not just the facts.
Most of us mean to ask our grandparents about their lives "some day." The trouble is that big questions like "What was your childhood like?" tend to get short answers. Small, specific questions get stories. Here are 60 that work, grouped by stage of life, and a few tips for the conversation itself.
Before you start: record it
Use the voice memo app on your phone and set it on the table between you. Ask first, and explain why: "I'd love to keep your stories, and your voice." Years from now, the way they told a story will matter as much as the story itself. One hour of recording is plenty for a first conversation.
Childhood
- What is the very first thing you remember?
- What did the house you grew up in look like? Which room was yours?
- What did your family eat for dinner on a normal night?
- What did you get in trouble for?
- Who was your best friend, and what did you do together?
- What was your favorite toy or game?
- What did your father do for work? Your mother?
- What was your town like? What was the best place in it?
- What holiday tradition did your family have that nobody does anymore?
- What did you want to be when you grew up?
Growing up
- What was your first job, and what did it pay?
- What music did you love as a teenager?
- What was your first car? Where did you drive it?
- Who was the teacher you remember most, and why?
- What was the most rebellious thing you did?
- What did you do on a Saturday night?
- When did you first leave home? How did it feel?
- What was the biggest news event of your youth, and where were you when you heard?
- What did things cost back then: a movie, a burger, a gallon of gas?
- What did your parents worry about most?
Love and family
- How did you meet Grandma (or Grandpa)? What did you notice first?
- What was your first date?
- How did the proposal happen?
- What do you remember about your wedding day?
- Where was your first home together? What did it look like?
- What was the hardest year of your marriage, and how did you get through it?
- What did you learn the day your first child was born?
- What was my parent like as a kid?
- What was the best family vacation you ever took?
- What is a family recipe I should learn?
Work and life
- What work were you proudest of?
- Who was the best boss you ever had?
- What was the biggest risk you ever took?
- What was the best decision you made? The worst?
- Did you ever have to start over?
- What did you do for fun when the kids were small?
- Who was your closest friend as an adult?
- What is something you built, made or fixed that you're proud of?
- How did the world change in a way that surprised you?
- What did you do on the day you retired?
Who they are
- What is something you always say? Where did it come from?
- What makes you laugh every time?
- What is a small thing you love that most people don't notice?
- What is your favorite place in the world?
- What song brings back the strongest memory?
- What do you believe now that you didn't at 25?
- What are you still curious about?
- What scares you less now than it used to?
- What is the kindest thing anyone ever did for you?
- What would you like people to remember about you?
For us
- What do you hope for your grandchildren?
- What advice would you give me at my age?
- What should every person know how to do?
- What is the secret to a long marriage?
- What do you wish you'd done more of?
- What mistake taught you the most?
- What family story should never be forgotten?
- Who in our family do you think I'm most like?
- Is there anything you've always wanted to tell me?
- What would you like to say to the family, all together?
Tips for a good conversation
- Bring photos. An old photo is the best question there is. "Who's this?" leads anywhere.
- Ask "and then what?" The second answer is usually the story.
- Ask how they said it. "What exactly did he say?" turns a summary into a scene.
- Don't fix their memory. If a date is wrong, let it be. You're collecting their story, not a history exam.
- Stop while it's still fun. Two short conversations beat one long, tiring one.
What to do with the answers
Even unedited, the recordings are a treasure: save them in two places, and share them with the family. If you'd like to turn them into something you can watch together, we make life story films: we record a relaxed conversation with your grandparent, add short memories from the rest of the family, and make a film they get to see, often for an 80th or 90th birthday.
Frequently asked questions
What should I ask my grandparents before they die?
Small, specific questions about their life get the best stories: how they met their partner, their first job, what they always say, the kindest thing anyone did for them, and what they want the family to remember. Record the conversation so you keep their voice.
How do I record my grandparents' stories?
The voice memo app on your phone is enough. Place it between you, ask permission, and keep the first conversation to about an hour. Save the recording in two places.
What if my grandparent doesn't want to talk about the past?
Start with photos or objects instead of questions, keep it short, and follow what they enjoy talking about. Many people open up more in a second, shorter conversation.