How to write a eulogy: a simple structure, with examples

Being asked to give a eulogy is an honor, and for most people, also terrifying. You don't need to be a writer or a confident speaker. A good eulogy is short, specific and sincere. Here's a structure that works for a parent, grandparent, partner or friend.

How long should a eulogy be?

Most eulogies are 3 to 5 minutes long, roughly 400 to 700 words when spoken at a calm pace. If several people are speaking, ask the family or funeral director how much time you have, and stay within it.

A simple five-part structure

1. Who you are to them

One or two sentences. Not everyone in the room knows you.

I'm Anna, Robert's eldest daughter. Dad would want me to tell you to help yourselves to more coffee.

2. A quick outline of their life

Where they grew up, the work they did, the people they loved. Keep it short; the obituary covers the details.

3. Two or three specific stories

This is the heart of the eulogy. Not "he was generous," but the time he drove four hours to fix a neighbor's furnace. Choose stories that show what they were like, and that most people in the room will recognize.

Dad said every repair would take ten minutes. The car, the roof, my bike. It was never ten minutes. But it always got fixed, and he never let anyone pay him.

4. What they gave us

What they taught you, what they stood for, what you'll carry forward. One or two sentences is enough.

5. A goodbye

End by speaking to them directly, with a line they used to say, or a simple thank-you.

So, Dad: take your ten minutes. We'll be fine. Thank you for everything.

Gathering material

• Ask family and friends for one story each. Group chats are perfect for this.
• Write down the phrases they always said. They're often the best lines in a eulogy.
• Look through photos. They'll remind you of moments you'd forgotten.

Tips for delivering it

• Print it in a large font, double-spaced. Don't read from a phone.
• Practice out loud two or three times. You'll find the sentences that are hard to say.
• It's okay to pause or cry. People will wait for you. Have water nearby.
• Have a backup reader. Give a copy to someone who can step in if you need them.
• Humor is welcome if it's true to who they were. Laughter at a funeral is a form of love.

A eulogy told by everyone: video tributes

A eulogy is one person's view. A tribute video can add many voices: family and friends each record a short memory, and the video plays after your eulogy as "now let's hear from everyone." It takes pressure off you, includes people who couldn't speak, and becomes something the family keeps. Here's how to make a memorial video, and some songs to go with it. Or we can make a tribute film told in everyone's voices in as little as 5 days.

Frequently asked questions